Been trying to figure things out

Don't worry, the sauce with anchovies didn't knock me off the face of the earth.

The past few weeks--four to be exact--almost did, and they have been eye-opening to say the least. I'll get right to it, and I'm not even sure if this is going to make any sense, it all makes sense in my head, I promise. That's what matters, right? Here goes nothing.

I've been trying to figure things out. And by things, I mean my life, this world, monumental challenges at work, people, God, etc. It's been exhausting.

• I don't recommend it.

Somehow, some where, I subconsciously made up my mind that the Bible is a crystal ball and and I am the psychic who needs to look into it and "figure things out."

• I couldn't be further from the truth.

Last night I figured out that in my twisted brain, I felt like God had "forgotten" about me lately.

• I'm still pondering the ridiculousness of that whole thought and shaking my head at my own self.

Then it started happening, as it usually does. The Word washed over me like a tidal wave, set things straight again, and put the enemy back where he belongs--under my Master's feet.

The following list of verses have found me at some point over the last few weeks, with the climax last night...

• March 23rd

..."For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless." ~Ps. 84:11

• April 25th

..."Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God."" ~Mark 10:27

..."Jesus was blunt: "No chance at all if you think you can pull it off by yourself. Every chance in the world if you let God do it."" ~Mark 10:27 MSG

• May 2nd

..."The Lord says, "I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you."" ~Psalm 32:8 NLT

• May 3rd

..."Then Jesus said, "Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?"" ~John 11:40

..."Everything is possible for him who believes." ~Jesus, Mark 9:23

..."...I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!" ~Mark 9:23

..."We sometimes tend to think we know all we need to know to answer these kinds of questions--but sometimes our humble hearts can help us more than our proud minds. We never really know enough until we recognize that God alone knows it all." ~1 Cor. 8:2-3 MSG

A friend send me this text message: "More of Him and less of you."

...and I immediately found John 3:30--"He must increase but I must decrease." (HCSB)

• May 5th

..."Jesus said to them, 'My Father is always at work to this very day, and I, too, am working."" ~John 5:17

..."That's why my cup is running over. This is the assigned moment for him to move into the center, while I slip off to the sidelines." ~John 3:29-30 MSG

Climax...

• "Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom." ~Isaiah 40:28

• "...Be faithful even to the point of death, and I will give you the crown of life." ~Rev. 2:10

For me, it took missing Teacher Appreciation Day, National Nurses' Day, and pure exhaustion to realize all this. I missed TA day and NN Day because I chose to be a work-a-holic and not stop to to take a minute to appreciate two of my best friends for faithfully doing what they've been called to do. Pure exhaustion set-in because I was over-working myself during a week where I had 1 final exam and 2 papers to write....was up till ~2 AM almost every morning.

Not good. Not smart. Again, I don't recommend it.

All this lack of sleep finally did me in and the enemy took over my brain. Finally, this morning, I had a moment. Words cannot express it, but here is a feeble attempt.

God was telling me to stop. And obey. Both of which I have a problem with. Specifically, here is what He was telling me as I was flipping through my scripture note cards, which had the verses listed above:

• Don't be scared.
• Be faithful.
• You can't understand Me.
• Time for you to step aside.
• Time for Me to move back into the center.
• Believe.
• I will give you advice.
• Let Me help.
• I am looking for blamelessness...for obedience.

I will admit, a lot of what's been going on is work-related. I am not going to get into the nitty gritty details here, but I will say that I absolutely, positively, have no doubt in my mind that I'm where I am supposed to be professionally, right now. No doubt. I'll blog about why in another post sometime.

For now, my prayer is for God to point out anything in me that offends Him and lead me in the way that's everlasting (Ps. 139:23-24).....in light of the calling to be blameless...to be obedient...to be faithful. No more crystal ball. No more trying to figure things out. I think it's time for me to slip off to the sidelines (John 3:29-30 MSG) and let Him takeover. Easier said than done, but I'll give it a valiant effort and find grace in my time of need.

Thanks for being patient with what might sound like mumbo-jumbo! I hope May will overwhelm you with posts to make up for April.